Toddler Bedtime Battles: How to End the Struggle and Establish a Calm Routine

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21 hours ago
5 min read

By: Sarah Bossio, Certified Pediatric Sleep Expert

Raise your hand if you've ever felt personally victimized by your toddler at bedtime!

If you're nodding your head right now, you're not alone. Bedtime can feel like a war zone, and if you're tired of the nightly struggle, you're in the right place.

It's time to stop watching Paw Patrol on repeat and get back to enjoying your evenings—whether it's Netflix or just some much-needed rest.

Let's dive into how to get your toddler into bed without all the drama.

The Toddler Bedtime Struggle: Why It Happens

Let’s be real—bedtime with toddlers can be tough. There are so many factors that make it challenging, but what we’re really dealing with is not so much sleep skills—because by this age, your toddler probably has the ability to fall asleep just fine.

What we’re dealing with here is willpower. And let me tell you, toddlers have a lot of willpower.

So what happens when we enter the bedtime routine? It’s not about whether your toddler can sleep; it’s about whether they want to sleep. And here’s the kicker: they’d rather do anything but go to bed. Reading 17 more books? Absolutely. Eating a mountain of snacks? You bet.

Getting into bed? Well, that’s another story…

Understanding Your Toddler’s Language: The Key to Bedtime Success

Before we go any further, I want to talk about language skills briefly. At this stage, toddlers’ language abilities are all over the place. Some have a rich vocabulary and talk up a storm, but that doesn’t mean they understand everything you say.

There’s something called receptive language (how they process what they hear) and expressive language (how they talk). Here’s the thing: toddlers usually talk a lot more than they understand.

So when you say, "Okay, it's time for bed; let’s take a bath, get our pyjamas on, and read a book," your toddler might only be processing about half of what you’re saying.

The issue? Their little brains get tired as the day goes on, and they just don’t have the patience to understand long sentences. So when you're giving them instructions, they’re only catching a few words here and there. And that’s a big reason why bedtime can get so frustrating.

You’re trying to communicate one thing, but your toddler hears something entirely different.

Why the Power Struggle Happens (And How to End It)

As we reach bedtime, it’s not just the words that are a problem—it’s the power struggle. Toddlers simply don’t want to go to bed. They have the willpower to stay up late, but you, as a parent, want to get them into bed. The result? A tug-of-war.

The more you talk, the more they push back. So, what can you do to reduce the struggle?

Visual cues. That's right—visuals are an amazing tool for helping toddlers understand what’s happening next. If you’ve been trying to use verbal communication to convince your toddler it’s time for bed, you may be creating more confusion.

Toddlers aren’t great at processing complex verbal instructions, especially when they’re tired. But visuals? They can’t ignore those.

Visual Cues: The Key to Simplifying Bedtime

Let’s talk about how to use visuals to simplify your bedtime routine. When we use something like a bedtime chart, toddlers can see exactly what’s coming next. You can create a chart with five simple steps—bath, snack, pyjamas, book, and bed.

As each activity is completed, you remove the card from the chart. This visual progress helps toddlers understand the routine, making it easier for them to follow without all the verbal cues.

For example, when you reach the "book" step, and your toddler insists on one more story, you simply remove the "book" card from the chart and proceed to the next step—bedtime.

By eliminating verbal explanations, you remove yourself from the power struggle. You’re no longer negotiating or explaining. The boundary is set, and you move on to the next activity.

The Magic of Bedtime Tools: Okay-to-Wait Clocks and Hatch Devices

Another super helpful visual tool is an "okay-to-wait" clock, like the one I use for my daughter. When the clock is set to "sleep," your toddler knows it’s bedtime.

If they argue or resist, you simply point to the clock and say, "The clock is sleeping; it’s time for bed." This removes the need for any further discussion or explanation. It’s a clear, visual cue that it’s time to go to bed.

If you have a Hatch device, you can use that to signal when it's time for bed and when it’s time to wake up. When the light is red, it means "sleep," and when the light turns green, it’s time to get up.

This is an excellent way to help toddlers understand that bedtime is non-negotiable—it’s just part of the routine.

Putting It All Together: Setting Boundaries with Confidence

The key takeaway here is simple: toddlers thrive on clear, consistent boundaries. You don’t need to over-explain or negotiate with them at bedtime. When you use visual cues and set clear limits, your toddler knows what to expect.

It is not about being harsh or strict; it’s about being consistent and confident in your approach.

So, here’s the formula:

Set the boundary early—no long, drawn-out explanations.
Use visual cues to reinforce the routine.
Stay consistent for at least two weeks to see lasting change.

It is a process, and once you stick with it, you will notice that the bedtime battles start to fade away. Remember, you are the parent; your toddler will follow your lead when you set clear, confident boundaries.

I Feel You

Being a sleep consultant means helping families navigate through these challenging moments. I understand how overwhelming it can feel when you are in the middle of a toddler's bedtime battle, and I want to support you in finding the right solution.

If you’re struggling with your toddler’s bedtime routine, please leave a comment below with your specific challenges. I’ll be happy to help you troubleshoot.

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I work with families one-on-one all the time who are experiencing issues with their babies' naps, overnight sleep, and more. If this sounds like you, please book a 15-minute sleep assessment call just so I can understand a little bit more about your child's sleep and then explain ways that I can work one-on-one with you to get it in order.

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